It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
