if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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