ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
