Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
