i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
