are you still at the devil's house?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
