Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
