WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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