your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
