My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
