just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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