I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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