When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
