Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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