yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
are you so shy because you have an std?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
