I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
