uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
