It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
