the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You're like the curious george of whores
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
