I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
