I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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