So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
