What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
