whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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