So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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