he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
