the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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