You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
