We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
