im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
