just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
