why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
