plz talk dirty to me
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
