please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
