there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
