she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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