Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
