so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
