some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
