8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
