Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
