Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
