How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Let's get the cat blown out
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
