just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
