omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
