oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
