he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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