dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
