He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
