am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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