Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
