Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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