I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
