Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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