i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
