Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
