"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
