I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
