He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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