My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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