Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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