So drunk, too bad you don't want this
from now on my penis is your penis
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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