Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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