Tell her she can't have a vagina
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just sent this text using only my big toe
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
