There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Swine flu is the new snow day.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
