He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
