Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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