How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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