The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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