i need an iv and a liver transplant
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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