If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
