My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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