Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
